To the tune of “Just Can’t Wait To Be King.”
Leachtric: Captain, I need to announce my withdrawal from the heartsword program.
Artemisia: I know you’ve been struggling, Leachtric, but —
Leachtric: It’s actually not that. Can you keep a secret?
Artemisia: All you need to do is command my secrecy, Your Majesty.
Leachtric: This is the problem!!
All of which leads into one of the show’s catchiest, toe-tappingest dance numbers.
I know you’d be a worthy Queen
You couldn’t make it worse
There’s a million things a queen should know
And I don’t know the first!
I’ve seen the kind of leadership the monarchy’s about!
I’ll serve Ceannis as a citizen — don’t let them find me out!
[bopping his head and mouthing along with the lyrics]
— and countless other stressors unforeseen!
Oh, I just couldn’t take being Queen!