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Borrowing Limits 25/33

Borrowing Limits 25/33 published on 21 Comments on Borrowing Limits 25/33

Thorn (thinking): I don’t care that Leif can’t reciprocate right now. I just want him to feel good. And this way I can’t zap him by accident. Win-win?

I just have to pay attention for his . . . reverse safeword? I’ll figure out how to explain the regular kind in Sønska later.

Thorn: Leif . . . I am stronger than you, yes?

If I want . . . I can push you up to this wall and kiss you, and you can’t make me stop. You’d want me to stop, right?

Leif: Wombats eat mostly grasses, bark, and roots. Please stop.

Thorn (thinking): . . . yeah, that’s hard to miss.

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Okay, I’m confused, someone help me out with this bit here?

Wombat is a reverse safeword in the sense that where a safeword would indicate that Thorn should stop, this word means that Leif wants him to keep going. He cannot explicitly consent or really reciprocate because he’d get zapped, so this is their solution.

I’d take it a step further. Since he followed up with “please stop” , I think Leif is saying “I can’t speak freely, I’m all for it, but you need to stop.”

Also, Thorn may be edging onto the territory of discussing limits too frequently for Leif’s comfort again.

No, Khyrin, I think Elliot’s onto something. Leif LIKES what he’s doing, but he’s not allowed to consent to sexual activities, so he says “no” and talks about wombats to let Thorn he really means “yes”.

I can understand your point, hkmaly and Nova. My own preferences may be coloring just a bit… I feel ooky about “oh, when I say stop, that means keep going”… That cuts off the most simple way of saying “i’m not okay.”

I’ve had partners in the past who thrived on that kind of play… and didn’t respect ANY word other than their one five-syllable sentance that I couldn’t possibly say by accident… and couldn’t remember when I thought I felt something tear.

To be clear, it’s not “stop” that means “keep going,” it’s “stop, here’s a fun wombat fact” that means “keep going.”

Thorn has spent a lot of strips being wary of doing something Leif doesn’t want, which is why he approves of Wombat Trivia as a signal of consent that’s “hard to miss.”

That I can live with… then again, they’re your creation, and this is a thoroughly enjoyable comic in all other ways… so I’d prolly learn to live with it anyway.

Khyrin, I’m sorry to hear you have been hurt so badly. As a fellow trauma survivor and someone with C-PTSD, I find it helpful to clarify if my interpretation of something is accurate before I form an opinion of what’s happening. It saves me a lot of emotional upset and helps me to practice self care when I’m triggered, maybe this practice could help you too to avoid being upset by something due to a misunderstanding? I do this by stopping myself when I start to feel triggered or upset and saying, “This is what I’m seeing/hearing, is that what you mean” and then letting the person clarify before I form an opinion of what is going on. I do this a lot in conversations and when reading things online and it has helped me a lot, I hope it might help you too.

Was my comment deleted?

Yeah — I appreciated the sentiment and all, but things were cool, I didn’t need defending.

Now that we’ve cleared up this misunderstanding, may I repost an edited version of my comment so that I can make my intent more clear?

If you like, sure.

I just didn’t get the impression that “assumption of bad faith” was the issue in the first place.

And see that’s a misunderstanding too. I wasn’t saying it was “assumption of bad faith” I was saying assuming something negative is happening before checking causes unnecessary emotional upset. I will try to be more clear, I am autistic and communication can be difficult for me sometimes.

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