Violet: This is Archie you have the feelings for, right?
Rowan: Uh-huh. You called it. And I’m not going to tell him, for all the reasons you also called. But . . . thanks. Even when the situation is a mess, talking to you always helps.
Atarangi: . . . and I had to talk to Violet about it, without sinking through the floor in sheer embarrassment! That was an awful position to put me in, Kallie!
Kallie: You can’t put this on me! I followed all your rules. I didn’t know she’d be a co-worker!
Atarangi: That’s exactly the problem, isn’t it?
Even with the rules — you can still end up giving my body to anyone and not know it!
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13 Comments
That’s a mirror, in addition to the first person pronouns in use. Looks like you guys calling Headmates had it right.
Yay, headmates confirmed. Also, this talk is relatable for our DID experiences. Though, Atarangi isn’t being fair to Kallie. They both deserve to have a life and be happy, so long as it’s not harmful to their wellbeing overall of course.
Mirror debate! Headmates confirmed!
Although it looks like they may need a revision to their body-sharing rules… poor Kallie, poor Atarangi.
This strikes me as a no-win scenario.
If the system has agreed to rules, you cannot get angry when the rules are obeyed.
On the other; Aratangi may be thinking of darker things given how Kallie’s tastes run.
Fun and games between consenting adults are awesome. but do other personalities in a system need to consent as well?
I’d say it’s fair to be frustrated, but one shouldn’t be angry at the headmate who followed the rules. One should be clear that ones frustration is with the rules, and the difficulties of crafting the right rules. The focus should always be about how to fix things.
… these are probably good guidelines for dealing with other people, too. That said, it can be much more difficult to tell when other people actually follow the rules, rather than just claim to have actually followed the rules. (I say can be more difficult, because as I understand it, not all headmates have perfect access to the memories of other headmates.)
Disclaimer: I’m not a system, I don’t truly understand how things are for them, but I try.
It certainly seems that Atarangi doesn’t have perfect access to Kallie’s memories, or she wouldn’t have been confused by Violet’s wanting to talk.
…unless she was feigning confusion, which I guess would also make sense.
It is a no win scenario. As part of a system I can say that, if a level of communication is present to allow for getting consent from all system members, it’s definitely a good idea. However, disagreements do happen and you have to respect that this is their body too. Imposing rules that others don’t consent to is not a good idea and will lead to resentment.
Also, it’s far better to be fair to your system mates and give them the same autonomy you would want, so long as behaviors are healthy and not putting you all at risk of course.
‘Risk’ is where, I suspect, the problem arises.
Kallie kinks on being restrained and toyed with by biggers; Aratangi does not. Aratangi probably can perhaps tune out and let Kallie have her fun… but she may still worry about what’s happening when Kallie is having her fun.
Worries like “What if someone knows that Kallie and I share a body and comes after Kallie to get me? Would Kallie recognize a REAL magic-suppressing bangle if she saw one? “
See that’s a discussion they should have, but Atarangi would do well not to be authoritarian with Kallie if she wants her to cooperate.
[does the indignified “I was right” shimmy-dance]
Somehow, I missed this page, and only just went back and read it
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