These lines are all nabbed from “Gracie’s Vegetarian Plot.” Not gonna adapt the whole thing, so I highly recommend the original.
Rowan in Real Life
Rowan: Okay, first, that’s not what “mystic” means.
Rowan: So you’re just ignoring the fact that at least three species of puffball are entirely female?
Dude: And what if I am?
Rowan: “Homeopathic potions” aren’t potions! They’re literally just water!
Dude: People who have no risk of starving to death won’t be motivated to work!
Rowan: There are literally whole economies that prove you wrong.
Rowan on Grassie
Grassie: You know, Hedge, we could never afford to eat cash like the elephants do.
Hedge: Eat cash?
Grassie: Oh yes, it was on the sign at the exhibit. “Do Not Feed Elephants Peanuts. 10 Crowns Fine.”
Grassie: That’s not true, about carrots helping you see in the dark. I took one down to the basement, and until I lit a candle I couldn’t even see the carrot.
Blan: Grassie, I can’t believe you booked the author to visit here. We’ll get to meet her in the flesh!
Grassie: Oh, no, Blan, I think we better put clothes on. We might catch cold.
Rowan: Look, being wrong is cute when she does it!