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Slow News Day: The Adoption Option

Slow News Day: The Adoption Option published on 21 Comments on Slow News Day: The Adoption Option

Sort of a follow-up to Slow News Day: Fertility Clinics.

One of the Kolpovision contestants gets a name! Still not getting his own separate tag, though.

Senna’s at a yard sale. She likes bargains.

Ivy’s second parent also gets a name! (Gentian and Ebony both kept their original surnames when they got married.)

Bennet: For no particular reason, I’ve been thinking about adoption lately. And by “thinking” I mean, asking random people on the streets of Ceannis, “How do you think you’d feel if your parents just revealed today that you were adopted?”

Zephirine Lapointe (Kolpovision Winner, 3012): I already knew, dude! Didn’t you see my awesome celebrity PSAs for all those rad adoption nonprofits? And right now I’m pitching a miniseries about my epic roadtrip to meet my bio-parents. Totally binge-worthy, yeah?

Thorne Raifort (Magical Evaluation/Training): I’d . . . disapprove. I’ve seen too many young magical girls struggle because their parents don’t “get” what’s going on with them.

Non-magicals — including my parents — can’t control whether their bio-kids develop magic . . . But I think they should make a point of not adopting magical kids.

Senna L’hysope (Order of the Chalice): You mean — what if I was only just being told that my doctors had the wrong family medical history this whole time? Let’s just say I’d not take that well.

Gentian Cornouiller (Stay-At-Home Parent): I think I’d take that fine? It wouldn’t really change anything.

Hyacinth Lavande (Go-To-School Student): Wh–? That would change everything! Depending on what ethnicity my bio-parents were, I might have to completely re-calculate what arguments on the net I’m allowed to have opinions about!

Thorn Estragon (Dragonslayer, Hero): I’d say “doesn’t seem likely.” I have my ma’s eyes, and my grandpa’s nose, and baby pictures that look exactly like my uncle’s.

Leif: What’s he saying?

Thorn: It’s like a . . . question game? “What if your parents weren’t your real parents.”

Some Guy (Didn’t Agree To Appear In Broadcast): Oh — I don’t have to play, right??

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Thorne Raifort:”Non-magicals — including my parents — can’t control whether their bio-kids develop magic . . . But I think they should make a point of not adopting magical kids.”

So there’s an at least socially ‘grey’ market for adopting children with Magical potential… Greaaaaat.

I read it like her (and her student’s) experience should be a rule considering adoption, not necessarily as a hint that there’s ‘a market for magical kids’.
“My parents didn’t do well in raising me because they struggled with my special needs. If they did deliberately chose me and knew I would develop magic that would make things worse. Therefore I disapprove of non-magical parents adopting magical kids.”
Not sure if I agree though. I wonder how adoptions work in Ceannis and if parents are getting any help.

I wonder if it’s even possible to KNOW if child will develop magic at time of adoption. I mean, usually really small babies are adopted, aren’t they?

Did a quick search, and got this statistic: “Of non- stepparent adoptions, about 59% are from the child welfare (or foster) system, 26% are from other countries, and 15% are voluntarily relinquished American babies.” And “The average age of children waiting for an adoptive family is 8.”

There’s a lot of interest (unsurprisingly) in adopting newborn babies, but it’s easier and easier for people who don’t want to raise a baby to just…not have any in the first place. Even more so in Ceannis than the US. So yeah, most of the kids up for adoption will have been magic-screened by that point.

The IRL situation I had in mind was transracial adoptees, many of whom eventually say “my parents weren’t able to give me all the resources and support I needed, and it made my life harder.”

Also did a quick search: “Older children in the U.S. are not as likely to be adopted as younger children. The average age of the U.S.’s adopted children was about 6.3 years in 2012, while waiting children were, on average, roughly 7.8. For youth age 9 and older, the likelihood of being adopted drops significantly.”

… which is not surprising. Adopting someone who is six, ok, they will avoid all the problems with toddlers. (Sure, most parents remember those problems fondly, but it sounds horrible when talked about.) Adopting teenager? Seriously? Even your own children are ignoring you when teenager.

… but I guess the first magic screening is around 5, isn’t it?

(Note: I was not specifically searching for US, it was just first result I found.)

Oh boy. So is Senna another case where because of how this universe works, what would normally be a medical situation that should’ve barred her from service is treated as a minimal problem?

I got the impression from Senna’s previous appearances that she’s something akin to a survivor of one of the less aggressive forms of cancer or similar life altering but treatable issues. She’s got a potentially long term nasty illness with an often genetic component, but with treatment she’s expected to make a full recovery and return to active duty. But the genetic competent/predisposition but would mean potentially big issues if it turns out your family history wasn’t correct.

I also have the feeling that the decisions made for her care based on her family history may not have been going well.

There’s two ways that could have been: maybe the disease isn’t being controlled that well, or maybe she’s not handling the treatment well herself, even though it’s managing the disease fine.

Needing chemotherapy sucks, but getting the wrong chemotherapy sucks more.

Depends. How much leeway does the US military have for “this person was ineligible for service due to a medical situation, but it’s been resolved, they’re not considered to be more at-risk in the future than other recruits, and their performance is now up to standard”?

Like Thorn, I look too much like both my parents to be adopted… but it didn’t stop me from wishing I had magical parents who would whisk me away to a magical world when I got old enough!

I didn’t. That would be awful. Being whisked away from one life to another would be terrible and horrifying.

The Chronicles of Narnia, for example, gave me nightmares.

It would, unless your live here really suck (like, say, Harry Potter’s). However, people rarely think about that angle when considering wish like this.

Note that specifically Chronicles of Narnia made the “whisking away” just short vacation. They returned THE SAME DAY … wait … actually I think they returned the same MINUTE.

There is another option, which I don’t think was featured in any major movie yet: what if “old enough” isn’t when you can buy beer in that magical world, but it’s when you get old enough for people getting suspicious about the fact you don’t age? If you were actually Fae, demon or something, you can live almost whole life here, 70 years or so, raise children, spoil your grandchildren, bury your adoptive parents, reject both the corporate spies of cosmetics asking what competitor product you are using and the marketers who want you to publicly claim it’s their product and just when FBI, NSA and Men in Black start thinking about sending you to some laboratory with or without asking you THEN your real parents show up and tell you your life barely begin, you have another seven centuries before you which you should spend in magical world only returning for short visit in 20 years or so to extend the offer to your children.

(Of course, assuming Fae ever gets looking old enough to buy beer HERE. If you’re stuck looking as 16 it will get suspicious long before you turn 70.)

I’m reminded of a family in the town where I went to high school. Just about everybody in the town who knew them only started wondering about possible adoption after their eldest grew to be about half a foot taller than the dad. (Eventually grew to be a full foot taller.)

People asking indirectly eventually learned the truth that anyone asking directly got: all three of their kids were adopted, and their kids had been told about this early on.

The parents both had congenital health issues they didn’t want to pass on to anyone. They basically reminded their kids about being adopted whenever they went through unpleasant medical procedures related to their conditions. Somebody on the hospital care team would always give advice to the kids about how to minimize these issues and set their expectations on needing to go through the stuff, and then the parents would say, “actually, no.”

They’d also prepped their children the first time through, saying that somebody from the hospital would probably make that claim, but they shouldn’t worry about it because. They had enough doctor visits due to these issues that people on the hospital care teams did learn better, but not frequently enough for there to not always be new people involved, until sometime after the kids had developed enough to be the ones to tell the providers, “Um, no, we’re adopted, but thanks for the concern.”

Two of those three kids never did develop in a way that clearly marked them to not be their parents’ children, apart from the lack of those specific health issues.

They did eventually have talks with their children about the medical issues they would probably have, because their biological parents had not been so thoughtful. All three had also been chosen to be from that set, beyond the concerns about adopting from parents who looked like them. That priority was how they’d managed to “miss” on the height detail. They knew that was coming, but figured that it would only happen after their relationship with their eldest was firmly established. But their kids issues were all things that wouldn’t be problems for them until they were adults.

The kids’ doctors were among those who had “always” been in the know. Technically, their pediatrician only found out on the first visit of the second child, as the family history given was quite different than the first child. It also included a condition the child’s mother had that the present mother clearly did not have.

Apart from those instances, the parents never brought up the topic of the kids being adopted.

I considered this a model for how I should behave if I ever adopted. I wasn’t sure if I would, but my mother also had a congenital issue that I wouldn’t want to give to anyone. It’s a one in a million recessive condition, so if I had children, I probably wouldn’t live to see the descendant who got it from me. But I’d still feel guilty about it.

I did ask each of the kids about their feelings on the matter, and they basically all felt like they had been whisked away from their parents into a magical family where they were actually appreciated. Part of that was the fact that their parents had done what they could to make their biological parents accessible, and it was pretty clear they would have each been problematic parents.

If your condition is recessive AND you checked your partner and they don’t have it, you can safely have children and just recommend them the same. That’s what recessive means.

and you’ve reminded me of the reverse: one of my best friends in college(Let’s call him Sergent) was the 100% natural-born child of a woman with pale skin and straight brown hair whose husband, in turn, had olive skin and very light straight brown hair. Sergent, on the other hand, was darker-skinned than his father with VERY tight curly black hair. His father was perhaps understandably concerned, but the DNA test came back with a high degree of certainty that Sergent was in fact his father’s son.

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