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The Show Must Grow On: Intermission 17/21

The Show Must Grow On: Intermission 17/21 published on 6 Comments on The Show Must Grow On: Intermission 17/21

Rowan: Look, when I was a kid, I . . . went through some stuff. The bad kind.

For a while I was really good at blocking it out and working around it. Then I got myself stuck in an STAD hot zone at shelf tide.

[*STAD = Spiritually Transmitted Acute Dysphoria (“the whispers”)]

And, uh. Technically I did not attempt to kill myself . . . But I almost died because I wasn’t attempting to not kill myself.

Archie: I’m so sorry. Are you okay now? Is there anything I can do to help?

. . . by telecall in the next timezone from three states away.

Rowan: I’m better now, honest. This is all just backstory.

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“But I almost died because I wasn’t attempting to not kill myself” 🙁
Reminds me of that smart every day hypoxia vid

So I looked up that video, and while it’s super interesting, it’s not exactly analogous to Rowan’s situation. The hypoxia guy’s brain was shutting down so he wasn’t able to remember how to put the oxygen mask on. Rowan was confronted with a deadly situation while having extreme self-worth issues and didn’t think his life was worth trying to preserve. I faced similar trauma to Rowan, but I was young enough that I didn’t have conext for what happened and so I blocked it out. When my memories resurfaced, it sent me into a deep depression and my appetite basically up and dissapeared. I’d try to eat but even swallowing was difficult. I knew I was starving myself, but I didn’t care, because eating was just so difficult and my life seemed so worthless so what was the point of trying to save it? I wasn’t actively trying to kill myself, but if death seemed headed my way, I didn’t have the energy to dodge.

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